I have decided to replicate this idea of a "Happenings" post that my favourite blogger Heidi from www.applesundermybed.com started doing a while ago. It seems like a nice little way to take stock, take a break, reflect on some things I wouldn't think about normally and also break up any post monotony that I know I can be guilty of (the same thoughts seem to take over my brain most of the time!). I really enjoy reading these, so I figured why not try writing some every now and then.
DOING: Sitting next to Reid on the rumpus room couch, enjoying the fact that he has two weeks off work to spend with Isaac and I before I return to work part-time early next month. Today, Isaac is at childcare and I just got off the phone from checking in on him. He's having a great morning - knowing how much he enjoys going is making this transition so much easier than I thought it would be (although it's still really hard).
HEARING: Reid clicking away at his Xbox control and some instrumental piano music I recently downloaded.
READING: I find it so hard to find the time for reading that I used to. I always used to read a bit before going to sleep at the very least, but I am usually too tired these days. I have been reading a few collections of short stories when I do have the time/energy, but I have forgotten both the title and the author of the one I have been reading and it's ALL the way in the bedroom (did I mention I'm tired??) and I really can't be bothered going to check. It's good though!
LOOKING: Forward to getting back to work. It's taken a long time for me to feel this way, so I am very grateful that it's something I'm not dreading. I know my days are going to look very different and it will be a big adjustment for all of us, but I am really desperate to be contributing financially to our family again and also having a bit more structure to my weeks. Isaac is SO incredibly active and easily bored and I find that combined with my still-quite-present social anxiety to be a real challenge. We have been getting out of the house quite a lot more lately but I am still quite picky with where I'm comfortable to go and Isaac just wants to run around frantically no matter what we do or where we are!
WANTING: A piano. So, so badly. I miss being able to play whenever I want. I have no idea where we would put it though... but I do look forward to the day we have a piano as part of our home. I was playing around with the idea of saving for a keyboard as they are so much more space-efficient, but it's just not the same!
PLAYING: Lots of pretend games with Isaac lately. He is OBSESSED with trucks. It's the first word he says when he wakes up in the morning so we are very much into pushing around his toy cars and trucks as he says "broom broom!" (SO CUTE!) and also reading his books with trucks and tractors and pushing him around in his Little Tikes truck when we go outside. He is also very into building blocks at the minute. Other than these things he isn't really showing much interest in his toys. Reid and I just went to the Reject Shop and spent a tiny amount of money on a few crafty supplies to try and peak his interest (paintbrushes to paint with water outside, glitter to add to water bottles - that kind of thing).
DRINKING: Lots of coffee. I am so addicted it's a bit shameful - I really need to cut back a bit, but Isaac has been very unsettled overnight for the last month or so and it seems to be the only thing to keep me sane! This and a lot of water with lemon slices. I find it so much easier to drink a lot each day with that bit of fresh flavour.
EATING & COOKING: Lots of things in bulk. I make some kind of sausage casserole most weeks, plus usually a stir fry with rice or soba noodles, maybe a stew, spaghetti Bolognese probably once a fortnight or so and just whatever protein we have on hand with vegetables on other nights. I usually do a heap of roasted sweet potato and broccoli on Sunday afternoons and add to spinach leaves and a tin of oil-packed salmon for my lunches through the week. My cooking has been quite boring lately, once again mostly due to being tired and just a bit uninspired! I am loving a good spinach/oat/cacao/yoghurt/milk smoothie at the minute - that's about as creative as it gets!
DECIDING: What we want the next few years of our lives to look like. More babies? No more babies? (See previous post). Back to full-time work for me? What school do we want Isaac to go to? (I know, it's really early to think about that, but I can't help it!) There is always so much that needs deciding... I hate making decisions.
ENJOYING: Reid being on holidays. Time seems to be going really fast and Isaac is a very demanding little guy right now, so it hasn't seemed overly relaxing so far, but it's nice to have him home and nice to be spending time together just the three of us.
WATCHING: I just finished watching Master of None on Netflix and really loved it, especially the second season. I found it really clever and thought-provoking. It was really refreshing for me, as I usually use TV as an escape from having to think too much. It's an ultimate relaxation thing for both Reid and I. I also recently watched Grace and Frankie and LOVED it. So funny and such great acting. We are re-watching Sons of Anarchy when Isaac goes to bed at the minute, next on the list is Season Five of Orange is the New Black.
WEARING: Anything baggy with leggings and skirts. I am struggling a lot with my weight at the minute. I've talked before about the impact my medication has on me and along with the autoimmune disease I've developed that leaves me covered in hives most days, this means I periodically take a steroid tablet which makes me even more bloated. I try not to focus on it too much as I am healthy as I can be for the most part. I do need to get into some sort of exercise regime...but..... TIRED. I will get there one day.
CRAVING: Coffee. Enough said.
LOVING: Some time I've been spending with my Grandad. He has been visiting me once a week for a little while on one of the days Isaac is in childcare so we can chat. My Grandad is a wonderful, passionate, sometimes frustrating but incredibly loving man. I have been able to open up to him a lot about anxiety and postnatal depression which I think is something a lot of his generation just don't understand/don't believe are real things. Last week I spent a lot of our time together in tears, trying to explain just how I have been affected and how lost I have felt/sometimes still feel. Having him really, truly listen to me and try to understand was really special to me, as it's not something I would normally get a chance to talk to him about with other family members around. He wants to help me, he wants to be there for me - and I find that knowledge really comforting.
SAVOURING: These last few weeks of maternity leave. I have had almost 18 months off with Isaac and I am so lucky to have been able to take this time. I am endlessly grateful to Reid and to some particular family members who have made this possible. The bond I have with my little boy is so beyond special and I know I needed this time to concentrate 100% on being a Mum and adjusting to our new normal. This will all change soon but I think it will be for the better. I will be working Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays so will still be having time at home with Isaac and then having family time on Sundays and Saturday afternoons when Reid is done with work. I can't believe how much we have all gone through over the last year and a half. What a whirlwind. A blessed, frantic, loving whirlwind.
FEELING: Positive. Not something you hear from me very often! Opening this new chapter of work and family-life balance is something I am really looking forward to; I think it will make me a better, more patient Mum and wife. I have been feeling restless and needing more for a while now. Recognising that maybe I'm not cut out to be a full-time stay at home Mum kind of took me by surprise, because I figured that's just what I always wanted! Once again, expectation vs reality are often incredibly different things. I am leaning into the next few months with the plan to be gentle with myself, gentle with Isaac and Reid and not expect things to perfectly work out. Just take it a day at a time. Just breathe. Just realise that things will fall into place and keep moving forward.