Thursday, 8 May 2014

Decide that you want it, more than you're afraid of it ~ Bill Cosby.

I did it!  I applied to Uni, got in, accepted my offer, enrolled in my subjects, applied for HECS (loan from the government to cover my fees that I will pay back) and I am good to start studying my Master of Teaching in July this year.

Such a huge, huge leap for me.  If you've read any of my other posts, you'll know that I am not a big fan of change.  I know that nine times out of ten, change can be a really positive thing, its just the thought more than anything that scares me and puts me off making radical decisions about my life. 

I have dreamed of being a teacher for as long as I can remember, but I have been putting it off for almost three years now, as I believed there was a certain waay I had to do it, a certain way to make it work, a certain plan to have in place.  All of that is true to an extent, but as I think about my main aims in life, it really is simple: It will all be OK. 

I get so caught up in worst case scenarios that I forget to be realistic at times.  I didn't want to study part-time at Uni because of the amount of time it would take me to finish: so what? I am only 24 and will be a qualified teacher before I'm 30.  In all honesty, having the life experience will probably help me to be a better teacher in the long run and there aren't very many permanenent teaching jobs on offer right now anyway.  If I keep working full time, I know I can be disciplined enough to study and make the most of my days doing something that I enjoy, even if it does take longer than I originally thought it would and then this way I won't be putting a huge amount of financial pressure on Reid.  The bottom line is: we can't afford for me to not work full time at this point.  We are trying to build a house and Reid has been killing himself trying to think of ways to make it work so that I can work casually/part-time.  The reality is that it's too much stress.  For both of us, but especially for him. 

We want a family at some point in the near future, and this way I can have decent maternity leave (hopefully) if I'm in a full time job.  I have excellent family support so will hopefully be able to keep doing a subject or two if/when we have a baby.  

There are always so many factors to consider and my brain tends to over-complicate things when really it can be simple.  We will make it work.  We will figure it out.  We already have so much more than so many others do and for that we are grateful.  I have the opportunity to chase a dream and no matter how long it takes, it will be so worth it in the end, regardless of what happens. 

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am really proud of myself for actually doing this.  I have talked about it for so long, have thought about teaching every day, have been encouraged by so many people I know (and discouraged by some too), but I actually pushed myself to take a leap of faith and see where I land.  Hopefully it's feet first, but even if I fall and land on my face, at least I can say I tried.

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