I quite like the term “soul searching”. I feel like it’s a really good description for what I’ve been doing over the past few months. I have been feeling restless and unhappy - mostly just because of the frustrating aspects of my job, but I have found that this has been leaking into all facets of my life which has made me a bit unbearable lately.
A while ago I wrote a post about wanting to be a teacher. I was so sure at that point, that it was what I was going to do this year: go back to Uni, study and then teach. But… I got scared. Really scared. The thought of being so limited financially really took over and here I am, still working full time, still unhappy. Reid and I have discussed this at length and I have finally decided that I just need to leap. Next year, I am going to study teaching. It is going to be tough, but I can’t keep being stuck in a place where I’m unhappy, stressed and ultimately unwell just for financial gain. Who knows if it will be a big mistake? Who knows if I will even end up getting a teaching job? I guess that’s half the fun. I came across a quote this week on the Lorna Jane blog (www.movenourishbelieve.com.au) and it reads: “If you are faced with two paths in life, and are confused about which one to take – take the one that scares you the most, because it will either be the best decision you will ever make, or the most important life lesson you will ever learn. Never leave yourself wondering what could have been”. Those words are just so applicable to my situation right now and I they have helped me to feel even more encouraged and motivated to take steps towards studying something that I am really passionate about.
I am starting to teach piano lessons as well – something I have been meaning to start but have put off for a long time mostly due to the fear of failure. The fear that I’m not good enough to teach and the fear of doing something new. I am scared of so many things, but I know I can do this. I love the piano. I have studied it for years and if nothing else, I hope to impart this passion onto other people. It will also be excellent practice seeing as teaching is what I want my career to be. It will be like a test-run, if you will. I have been buying resources and books, have found some excellent piano teaching blogs to follow and feel really inspired by the whole thing. I have a few people interested already and I am really looking forward to getting started! If you or anyone you know might be interested, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org (yes, a bit of a shameless plug!)
So, long story short, I am at a crossroads. I am taking a really scary path, but one that I know will be worth it. I live with so much fear on a daily basis; I can’t keep letting it hold me back. Time to let go and focus on the fact that this is the best time in my life to take risks. This is the time to focus and do something that I love. This is the time to have some faith in myself and my goals and stop pushing them aside like I have been for the last two years. My soul is telling me to do it, and for once, I’m going to listen!