Skip to main content


Why is it that self-acceptance can be such a hard task? 

I have been trying so hard to focus in a positive way when I talk to or about myself, not in a way to make myself sound like I think I'm better than others, but just in a way to actually not be self loathing.  To be honest, I'm finding it really exhausting.  It's like I have surges.  Surges where I feel content and able to be nice to myself and then all of a sudden another surge of hatred and negativity overtakes that and I'm right back where I started.  It turns out that making the decision to try and love yourself is much harder than actually doing it.

Self destructive behaviour is really common, I know that.  Normally, my behaviour changes depending on the day.  A lot of people see Mondays as a negative thing and I have to admit that has been me and I don't love getting up for work after a lovely weekend, but Mondays I always tend to have more resolve and seem more able to treat myself with respect.  I always eat healthier on a Monday and I feel like this week, things will be different.  I won't drink too much wine this Saturday night and I won't get any take away and I will exercise every damn day.  Needless to say, this often doesn't happen and when it doesn't, the internal abuse begins.  Friday and Saturday nights seem to be this blocked out time in my mind where I can do whatever I want food, drink and behaviour wise.  It's been like this for as long as I remember and it's really hard for me to break out of this.  Especially when I really enjoy relaxing and having a drink and some not-so-great-for-you-but-oh-so-tasty food.  I obviously don't have the best will power, in fact, sometimes it's pretty much non-existent. I don't know if it's the same for everyone out there, but far out, there is nothing that makes me happier than a good meal with people I love.  Luckily or unluckily for me, the people I love tend to feel the same!  I know I should be making something healthy rather than ordering some beautiful pasta from the Italian place down the road and I should probably be eating the cous-cous salad that I made to have through the week rather than order a souvlaki from the take away shop up the street.  Don't get me wrong, I do eat healthily a lot of the time, but every time I eat unhealthily, I enjoy it in the moment but then completely hate myself afterwards.  So, I need to really ask myself whether that feeling is worth it?  I know that it's not but it feels so good at the time. 

It's really not rocket science.  Hate your body? Don't eat crap.  Treat it with respect.  Exercise.  I have been implementing these things into my daily routine but when I don't get the results that I want, as quickly as I want, I feel like a complete failure.  The fact that my medication doesn't help isn't an ideal situation, but I can't use that as an excuse forever.  I also can't talk to myself in a horrible way forever.  I've started trying to stop myself as soon as the internal nastiness starts and I ask myself if I would talk to my best friend the way I am talking to myself? The answer is always no.  My mind really can be horribly nasty to me and no matter what anyone says, it is really hard to control.  It's bad enough if there are people in your life who treat you like crap, but doing it to yourself is seriously unacceptable.  Trying to reverse something that has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember is really hard.  Really, really hard.  But this time last year, I wouldn't have even been aware of it and now, I know that I need to try and stop.  At least that's a start and that's what I have to accept for now and keep trying to make progress on this journey towards self-acceptance and self- love.

approve of yourself - when and where changes start happening..


  1. It seems like you are practicing what the Bible says...all things in moderation. At least you have good intensions at the beginning of the week, and hey I think most of us do. 'Chill Baby' as Mrs Brown would say :-) XO


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Attempting to Explain

My heart feels heavy.
I feel things intensely and deeply. Sometimes I see this as a good personality trait and at other times it seems too hard. 
Things change a lot when you become a parent, that's a universal fact. Your close circle changes and time becomes an even more limited commodity than it already is. 
Your child transforms before your eyes in what seems like a mix of incredibly long days, short weeks and even shorter months and years.  Sometimes the people you wanted to be around for that aren't, and that hurts. 
Catching up with people is also hard when you have spent the majority of your child's life riddled with anxiety and depression and having people around has intensified that to the point that it's just not possible most of the time.
I have come to realise that my health has inadvertently alienated some people from our life, and therefore Isaac's life, through no fault of his own.  I promise I have tried my best. I have said and done things tha…

Motherhood: The Modern Day Crisis

Motherhood is in crisis. Childhood is in crisis. Our health system is often failing new mothers. The number of parents being diagnosed with perinatal depression and/or anxiety is at an all-time high. Mothers often aren't even given the change to tell their birth story. Speaking from experience, this is a really important thing to do. Mothers are more often than not, sent home from hospital exhausted, physically and mentally; beyond depleted in every way.  Where are we going wrong?
Nicole Kingston, the family therapist/sleep consultant/all-around-wonder-woman I have been heavily relying on for all things parenting for well over a year now, aims to find out, and bring these issues and their solutions, to the attention of as many parents as she can.
It's no secret how much anxiety can rule my life at times. It sneaks in everywhere and I know it was affecting the way I parent, even when I knew I had to somehow reel it in.Enter Nicole.She introduced me to Nancy, and now, I will introduc…

Happenings ~ 4th October 2018

DOING: Lying in bed, writing this post. I had my first appointment with a new psychologist today (spoiler alert, she's amazing), and the first session with a therapist is always really emotional and tiring. I had some time in lieu owed to me from work, so I have taken full advantage of that today. Mum and Dad are taking Isaac to their bush block for the night and he was SO excited. I am really grateful for this rest. 
HEARING: My "piano" playlist. Currently one of my favourite songs is playing - "You" by Matteo Myderwyk. 
DRINKING: Right now, I am having a Remedy Kombucha, the apple crisp flavour. So good! I am still always drinking coffee, water and am favouring peppermint tea at the minute too. New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is making regular Friday night appearances as well... 
EATING & COOKING: I have been eating more crap than usual over the last couple of weeks. There have been birthdays, farewells etc happening in my office and there has been quite a few t…