Sunday, 5 August 2012

Tick-Tock


One of my friends on Facebook posted this picture the other day and brought to my mind something that I have been thinking about for months now: how incredibly fast time disappears and how little I seem to be able to do with a day before it's time for bed!

It is now just after 4pm on a Sunday afternoon.  The threat of Monday morning is looming - back to the reality of work: getting up early, trying to squeeze in exercise and housework and cooking until once again it's Friday evening and the unwinding can begin.

I never wanted to grow up as a child, and as inevitably I have, I truly understand why.  I loved school.  I loved seeing my friends, I loved most of my classes and I loved the little comfortable bubble that I happily floated in for fourteen years and then the slightly less comfortable, but still a bubble nonetheless, that I floated in during my three years of Uni.  I have been working full-time for almost nine months now and I literally cannot believe how it seems to make time go so much faster when your days are spoken for from Monday to Friday, 8:30-5.  Now before this post becomes a seemingly long, moaning rant, I want to state right now that it is not my intention to sound that way.  I work with a great group of people, enjoy most aspects of what I do and even though it terrifies me most of the time, I truly know that my job is making me a stronger, more capable person - it's just the fact that I never truly understood what "growing up" really meant until I entered the elevator doors that lead to the office I work in.

I've been a busy person my whole life.  I've studied, played the piano, played sport, worked at McDonald's casually since I was 14 and have always tried to spend time with my family and friends as well.  For some reason lately, it feels like I have no time to breathe, let alone relax and enjoy what time I do have.  I think it is largely because there was only a few days gap from finishing my Uni lifestyle, which don't get me wrong, was hard work, but still very different from the full-time work lifestyle I have now entered, and it has been a pretty big shock to my system.  I might just be weaker than most other people, but I really have found it an incredibly difficult transition, and time just seems to slip through my fingers.

I have always loved to read.  I used to never be able to go to sleep until I had read a few chapters of a book, but now, as soon as my head hits the pillow, I am usually dead to the world.  I used to write in a diary, I used to write poetry and music but now, I am lucky to write a blog-post once a week.  I used to see my friends for coffee and dinner and drinks and go out to town, but now, I'm lucky to see them for a quick lunch through the week and on the occasional weekend if it is not filled with other plans.  Now I realise that it is totally up to me how I spend my time, and I can fill any time that I'm not working in whatever way I please, and making excuses is not going to get my anywhere.  But seriously - where does the time go???

I still can't believe that I'm 22 years old.  I can't believe that I'm getting married in just under seven months and I can't believe that I have business cards and a desk in an office. Sometimes I just want to curl up in my bed and stay there for a month straight, doing absolutely nothing but catching up on sleep, reading, writing and then venturing out to visit a friend or family member here and there. I want to fill my days with walks on the beach outside my house, going out for long breakfasts, browsing book stores, baking and writing a novel.  I guess that's what retirement must be for?

I just feel like I've slipped into a routine where every second of my day is planned, seven days a week, and I really, really hate that feeling.  I realise I may be being slightly dramatic (it's part of my personality..) but as I am getting older and "growing up", it feels like I have taken a lot of things that have happened throughout my life for granted.  With that in mind, it seems like I have subconsciously tried to make sure that it never happens again, so I examine every area of my life and become frustrated if it is too packed full of things that are "obilgatory" rather than for enjoyment.  Especially on the weekends; those two precious days where I can attempt to maintain some small portion of relaxation and do the things that I love - if those days don't become crammed with plans as they mostly do.

Maybe one day I will learn how to manage my time more effectively throughout a seven day week, and one day I won't wake up on a Monday, then blink and it's Friday.  I don't want my life to be a whirlwind - I want to savour every moment and not be terrified to go to work and face another crammed week that slips by me faster than seems possible.  But until I figure out just where  the time is going and how I can make the most of it - the clock will just keep on ticking.

3 comments:

  1. My darling Kate, there are so many of us that share your feelings, and let me tell you being a “grown up” is just like you have explained your life, busy, busy, busy.

    It is really hard to make time to catch up with people that are special to you, and sometimes even doing that seems frantic as you are then off to do something else.

    Don't wait for retirement to see friends, have coffee, play the piano, read and WRITE books. Retirement may never come, life is incredibly short. So when you’re weighing up what to do, and thinking about how busy you are, also think about how life would be awful if it was filled with regrets, when you have the choice for it not to be.

    You are a true treasure to our family. I love that you are making time for a blog, now make time to visit those people, play that music, go for that walk and WRITE that book!!

    Lots of love to you my baby - Mum xoxoxo

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  2. I know how you feel. The last time I was creating art for the sake of my own enjoyment (not designing for others) was before college. It just stopped when life got too busy. It's on my list of things I want to get back into again.

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    1. It's so hard to find the time isn't it? You should definitely start doing art for yourself again - such a talent :)

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