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Happenings ~ 3rd October 2020

DOING: Finally making time to sit and write a blog post.  It's been a while.  It's been a long time since I've done a happenings post, too.  I have been doing more journaling than most other writing lately, I never seem to know where to start. HEARING: Reid is watching "Kingdom", basically his dream fighting show (he does Kyokushin - full contact karate) on Netflix and I can hear that in the background.  I have been listening to some really great Podcasts lately too.  "The Deep" by Zoe Marshall is possibly my favourite of all time.  "Emsolation" by Em Rusciano is hilarious and wonderful.  I've also been listening to Hedley Thomas' new one, called "The Night Driver" which is good, but no "Teacher's Pet". DRINKING: My answer to this question never changes haha.  My mornings are filled with coffee.  I drink mostly just water after that, occasionally herbal tea.  Sauvignon Blanc remains on regular rotation.  Now tha…
Recent posts

More Joy.

I love writing. 
I love it more and more all the time.  I wake up and think about it.  I think about it through the day.  I think about it at night.  I sit at work and feel grateful for my flexible job and the significant lowering of stress since my Employment Consultant days and yet, I am so restless.  It's getting worse. 
I want to write a book, and yet I sit here to write a simple blog post and all words have flown from my mind.  I have never experienced writer's block like this before, where it seems to physically hurt to write.  I have been through so much in the last few months, my brain feels like a big swamp full of really-hard-to-work-through mud. 
But, I have to try. 
I have to try to work through it all.  I am seeing my psychiatrist and my psychologist regularly, but I need to be doing more work on my own as well.  I can't seem to journal, I sit at the piano and freeze, I sit here and have typed more words now than I have been able to in weeks. 
Loss and grief have t…

Waiting on the Brighter Side of Grey

It sounds strange, but I have spent a lot of time during my life thinking about death. Grief has been a welcome stranger from my life for the most part, and a part of me has always wondered how I would cope with the loss of someone incredibly close to me. I have lost people. I lost my beautiful Grandma six months ago, we lost Reid's wonderful Nan when I was six weeks pregnant with Isaac, I lost my great-Uncle Ken who I loved so much and I lost my beloved Nanna Sue during my first year of Uni.  All of those losses really hurt. I grieved. I still miss them. I will always miss them. But to think of something happening to Reid, my parents, my siblings, my nieces or nephew, or heaven forbid Isaac, it's the kind of place you try not to let your mind wander. It's too painful to even fathom. And yet. Here we are. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared me, for the horror that has been the last three weeks of my life. Of my family's life.

My 42 year old brother, Gary, …

Happenings ~ 18th April 2020 ~ Isolation Edition

DOING: Typing this post and taking some deep breaths. It has been a massive few weeks. The COVID-19 situation is impacting everyone in different ways. I try to remain as positive as physically possible and hold onto the perspective that I am ultimately very lucky to be in the position I am. While this is true, it doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. We decided for a number of reasons to pull Isaac out of childcare temporarily in early March. This is my current weekday schedule:

5:30am - get up (if Isaac isn't already awake), shower, make coffee, stumble to my at-home office set up and turn on my work computer6am - 10am - work. Amongst this four hours of "work" time, Isaac will inevitably have one or two meltdowns minimum, because I'm working. Reid has been able to negotiate to start work later, so he is in charge of Isaac's breakfast/play until 10am, when he leaves for work and he will usually bring me some breakfast during this time as well. I will often pop…

Happenings ~ 23rd March 2020

I haven't written in this space for a while.  The start to 2020 has been tumultuous on a global scale.  Any thoughts and topics I can write about at the moment seem trivial and redundant.  I have a lot going on in my head though, and writing about it creates some clarity.  I also want to share here, because I want to reach out to anyone who needs a break from news articles and sensationalised media stories.  I also want to take the time to say please reach out if you are struggling with everything that's going on. Call a helpline, check on your family and friends, check in with yourself, take deep breaths and drink plenty of water.  I am always here for anyone who needs someone to talk to.  Send me a message, send an email - whatever works.  We are all in this together, and we need to help get each other through as best as we can.  Sending love and strength to everyone right now X.

DOING: Typing this while I have a lunch break.  The company I work for has instructed anyone who …

2019

It's been a big year.

Big as far as emotional, mental, psychological and philosophical change go, anyway. In other ways it has been quite unremarkable. Lots of work, lots of toddler play, lots of family time, lots of complaining about being too busy, lots of questioning... everything, lots of planning, lots of attempts to remain grounded and calm and lots of feeling every possible emotion as is my general empath outlook on life. Losing Grandma was without a doubt the hardest thing about this year, and trying to get used to the knowledge that she's not here is something I will continue to struggle with, which I'll go into more detail about soon.

There are a few main topics that come to mind when I think about the year in its entirety, so I'm going to have some headings with my thoughts underneath. A somewhat structured approach to my general rambling writing style can't hurt, surely? Haha.


PSYCHOLOGICAL: 
I started seeing a new psychologist at the beginning of this y…

Happenings ~ 1st December 2019

DOING: Typing this post while looking at our newly erected Christmas tree.

HEARING: The click of Reid's video game controls and a clip of trucks that Isaac is watching on the iPad.

DRINKING: Right now, a peppermint tea. Often - coffee, water, green tea, wine.

EATING AND COOKING: Right now I have some lamb in the slow cooker and will soon roast some dutch cream potatoes, and steam some carrots, corn and broccolini and make some gravy for what has become a Sunday evening tradition over the last few months.  It is really tricky for us to eat as a family most nights through the week. Isaac is generally exhausted from childcare and still goes to bed fairly early (although he is fighting that so much at the minute) and he often has leftovers or even just a sandwich/toast/eggs depending on his mood the second we get him in the door, so I am trying to make an effort to have meals together over the weekend. We all love a roast, and there is generally enough for a leftover mini roast or two fo…